What is the biggest influence in your life?

Since we moved to Eugene, Oregon, I have found myself to be feeling a bit lost at times. We have been through a very big change, so I suppose that is a natural feeling. And since we didn’t move up with jobs in place, there wasn’t really much to structure our days besides the things we impose. I am an active sort of person, and I like to live with a sense of purpose. Sometimes I envy those who seem to content to just live one day at a time, but I have never been like that. I always like to have a goal, a plan, something to accomplish and something to look forward to. We came to Oregon because we knew that was his calling for us, and that it had something to do with our new church, North Eugene Faith Center, and something to do with my family - most of whom live here in Eugene. But that was about all we had. No specific goals, no plan, nothing concrete to accomplish, and not much to look forward to (that was sure to happen), other than spending time with family. This is not where I like to be.

I wrote a few rather depressing journal entries, which thankfully I did not post on the blog... you really don’t want to be depressed too, right? 

I asked a lot of questions. Why are we here? What is your plan, God? Where should we look for work? How can we situate ourselves for whatever it is you called us here to become or to do? 

I made a lot of requests. Please keep us healthy, since we don’t have health insurance - you are our only option! Please provide for us. Please help us make friends. Be with me when I am lonely. Help me be a good mom, and guide my children through this transition. Help me focus on the positives, be thankful, keep your faithfulness in mind... 

He has been faithful, and answered prayers. We still have many unanswered prayers and questions. We are still making adjustments. We are thankful Domenick has a job, even though it is not a perfect one. I am thankful for some training I have received, and some books I have read that have given insight and godly perspective. I am very thankful for my family - both immediate and extended. I am thankful for their encouragement and support. I am thankful for some closed doors to jobs I have applied for, and thankful for the possibilities that still exist. I am thankful for all the time I spend with my kids.

Still, I sometimes feel lost. I think this is a “being” and a “learning” season instead of a “doing” season, and I’d prefer to do! As I have been praying about my lack of motivation, my frustrations, my questions, my lack of discipline in certain areas of my life, I felt God ask me a question:

“What is the biggest influence in your life?” 

I would like to say it is God. If that were true, would I still feel purposeless, uninspired, unmotivated, and undisciplined? I think probably not. I know it when I look at my time. I am not devoting that much time to him, to his word, to worship and prayer.

The last few months in California were so busy with the holidays, packing, seeing friends, finishing things... I knew once I got to Oregon I wanted to make sure to be more disciplined in my time spent with God. I wanted to exercise more, and I felt I should devote some time to fasting and prayer for our roles at the church and in Eugene. I confess, I have not done any of those things. Oh, I have read my Bible and such, but not daily. I am not worse than I used to be, but I am not better. I want to be better. I NEED to be better, or I will not survive. But I can’t seem to do it on my own. Would you like to do it with me? It’s too late for Lent. But Easter is supposed to signify new life, right? So maybe we can start after Easter - start together. 

A few years ago I wrote a guided journal. Read about a chapter of the Bible a day, and journal it. Since many people aren’t used to really studying scripture, I provided a little background and some questions to consider to get to the heart of the passage. The selections are chosen to provide an overview of what I feel all Christians should know, but most don’t. I have used it in small groups, and I’ve thought about trying to publish, but for now, I would love to have some friends read and blog it with me. I can post my insights, and you can read and post yours. Since I am goal oriented, I know a specific goal, with accountability of my online community, would help me get back on track. And, being online, you can go at your own pace, reading as little or as often as you’d like. I’ll probably try to post a few times a week, starting April 1, and read other thing in between. You can start whenever you’d like... email me and I will send you a reading list. Let’s see what changes in life when we allow God to influence us more.

NOTE: I am changing my blog to a different format. If you are following me here, please check out http://apursuingheart.wordpress.com/

Thanks!

Here We Go!

Here we go!

5:00 am.  Thanks to my crazy early-morning-loving husband, we are leaving Valencia now, on our way to Eugene, OR, via Sacramento tonight to stay with friends. We are moving. 

It has been a long time coming at this decision, but the biggest catalyst was that my husband, D, lost his job in July. We have talked about moving to Oregon "at some point" since we were married, but none of the factors converged. This time, they all did.

We got our first little promptings from God in the spring: a ministry opportunity we heard of in Oregon and felt we should apply, rumors of cutbacks at D's workplace... What really caught my attention, however, was when I was praying one day about the youth ministry I was leading, and I clearly heard God say, "Don't get too excited, you need to find a successor." That was a surprise, but I knew it was God, so I started praying and preparing to hand off the ministry, and seeking God about what he had for us next.

The initial ministry opportunity in Oregon didn't work out, but it did help D and I to realize that we felt we were ready for a bigger assignment from God, given the right situation. It also served to get us on the radar of the Oregon District Supervisor of our church denomination, the one who places lead pastors and oversees ministry in large areas. 

Another key factor in our readiness to move is that I finished my Seminary degree in May. When we did receive notice in June that my husband would be laid off near the end of July, we started to talk more seriously about the move. What was there to hold us in the Los Angeles area? My parents asked us to consider moving up to work with them at the church they pastor. It would be unpaid, except a small stipend, but a great opportunity for D and I to develop our ministry skills together, and a great need to try to reach out to a part of the city that was not currently represented in the church.

We went to Eugene in July for my brother's wedding, and by the end of the trip, we knew that was what God wanted us to do. The first week in August we put our house on the market, we told our pastors, and held a yard sale.

In late September my husband started working again, but at a lower paying job, so we proceeded with the sale of our home (a short sale) and thanked God that we at least had medical insurance again, since all the kids were due for something. 

5:45 am. 308 miles to Sacramento. It is still pitch black. By the way, the end of December is not a good time to move. The house closed on December 31. Between trying to pack, keep some Christmas spirit alive in the home, see everyone we knew, and all the things involved with escrow, I am not sure how we make it through the last month. Not with enough sleep, that is for sure. We didn't have quite as much packed as we should have when our moving POD arrived, so I am pretty sure we loaded up some things I would have been fine to part with, and parted with some things I'd have rather kept. Our car is amazingly loaded down right now, and we left a few things at D's parents house, to pick up on our next trip down, but we ended up getting most of it in. I can't believe how much stuff we got rid of- either sold or just gave away- and still I think we should probably have got rid of more. We have three kids. Sometimes I think maybe our family is complete, but we've talked about having four, so we kept a bunch of baby stuff that we aren't currently using. We got rid of a lot, but my husband says since we kept so much of it, now we MUST have another kid! I don't know why it is hard for me to part with things.  Maybe a psychologist could tell me.

Day 2, 6:38 pm. Just passed a sign that said 400 miles to Portland - our first sign indicating Oregon. We arrived at our friends' house in the Sacramento area yesterday around 12:45 and had a wonderful little visit. These friends lived briefly in our area and attended our church in San Dimas, but moved back north a couple years ago. We had stopped and visited before on our way through, but the husband had been working out of town, and having us all together, for a longer visit, I realized I had forgotten just how well we all got along. They are a great family to visit when passing through, but I wish we lived closer. We stayed for their son's birthday party this afternoon and left about 2:20pm. I drove the first leg to just north of Redding, then we stopped for awhile to let the kids run around and eat dinner. Back on the road now. We figure we'll make it in to Eugene tonight somewhere around 11:30 or midnight. It is raining now and we are climbing elevation, but there is not supposed to be snow or ice tonight so we are hoping to make it through. 

On our little 26 hour break in Sacramento, we finally started to relax. We all went to bed early, since we slept with the kids in the living room on a very comfortable pullout couch bed, and actually slept really well - which was greatly needed! (Really well meaning we only were woken up by the kids about 4 times, but since it was over about 10 hours and we went back to sleep fairly quickly each time, that counts as a great night's sleep.)

Our first week in Oregon we'll have a lot to do just settling in, unpacking a bit, getting our son M set up in school, and so on. Our first official Sunday at the church is January 20, not that we really know what that means! It is definitely a big adventure and a lot we'll be figuring out as we go. I am looking forward to getting into a new routine of personal Bible reading and prayer time, since that has been thrown way off by the move.

7:17 pm Mt Shasta and it is snowing!

Epilogue: we finally arrived in Eugene about 11:45pm. The snow was pretty heavy through Mt Shasta, but after that we made it through that area it was pretty smooth (except for the strange detour in Ashland, Or when we got off the freeway to let M use the bathroom and had to drive miles to find an onramp). Relieved to be here! So far we switched to OR phone numbers and the hubs has his OR driver's license. (We thought it wise to go to DMV separately instead of dragging the kids along, so I don't have mine yet.) I guess we are here to stay!